“He prepared me and placed me in the perfect place to discover it.”

January 22, 2012. The night that forever changed my life. It had only been 7 days since my family moved into our new apartment. This was our fourth apartment in 5 years of being married. It was the day where we finally felt settled in. The TV was installed and the NFL Conference Championships just concluded. The Patriots and Giants were going to the Superbowl.

After the game, I took out the trash. And as I was walking back, a loud screech, crash and moments later, screaming disrupted the cool night. At first I hesitated trying to get an understanding of what I just heard, then I began running as instincts and adreline took over.

As I approached the intersection, it was like a scene from a movie. Cars were mangled. People were screaming. The street was glittering from the shattered glass.

As I entered the intersection, off from the other side of the road, a truck tire came rolling towards me. I grabbed it and placed in on the center divider. It was surreal.

I don’t know what came over me, but I found myself kneeling next to a young man lying underneath a white Sequoia SUV. A young girl screaming in the backseat of the SUV was the soundtrack of this surreal experience. My hand holding and pressing firmly on his bleeding head wound and my eyes fixed on his eyes, I began to talk. I asked him the silly question,

“Are you OK?”

Immediately, feeling like an idiot having asked a man who was lying underneath a 7,000 lb truck a question like that, I quickly asked,

“What’s your name?”

He replied, “Jerry.”

And then I felt compelled to and asked if I could pray for him. His eyes opened wide and fear fell over his face. He asked if it was that bad. My assumption is that he thought I was going to do his “Last Rite”. I quickly assured him,

“No man. It’s not that bad. I believe in God and I really need Jesus here right now.”

We wasn’t too receptive to it but I prayed a quick one anyways. Looking back, the prayer was really more for me than him.

Then his eyes began to slowly close and immediately, I began to gently slap his face. Maybe it was all the movies I watched, but I knew he could not lose consciousness. So I continued slapping his face. I slapped him a little harder each time, to keep him awake. Then I started to ask him all kinds of questions to keep him alert. I asked him about what he thought of the football games. I asked him about his mother and his girlfriend. And at one point, I even asked him what ethnicity I was. He answered incorrectly.

Finally the paramedics arrive. I thought I would be relieved, but they had me keep pressure on his bleeding head until finally more paramedics arrived. When I was relieved of my duties, I stood over Jerry praying that he will be ok. Eventually a police officer came and escorted me to the sidewalk. As we walked, I noticed that there was a crowd of people taking pictures of the scene. And noticed that most of them were the same neighbors that ran to the scene earlier. However only one other actually ran into the intersection to help.

As the ambulance with “Jerry” drove away, I walked back to my home. I asked the police officer where they were taking him so I can follow up and he gave me the info. I slowly walked back home a little dazed.

I didn’t notice the blood on my clothes and hands, but my wife did. And as any concerned spouse would react, she reacted. She made me take off the clothes and put it in a garbage bag and forced me to shower. For some reason, I had the presence of mind to take a picture before cleaning up. This actually proved very helpful, for later that night. And as the water began to wash away Jerry’s blood off of my body, I began to think I had dreamt it all.

It was no dream. The pictures were there to prove it.

So the question I was left with that night was simply, “WHY?”

This journey the path to discover that answer.

On December 21, 2011, another identity crisis arose stemming from my insecurities in my new role at Newsong. The fog in my head was thick and the insecurities were heavy. The isolation of being in leadership, the lack of faith, the fear and cowardice to make the right decisions creeped up and the wounds of the past paralyzed me.

So in that moment of desperation, I cried out a prayer…

“God, how do you see me? What am I to you? Tell me who I am?”

And in that moment, God answered through a list of descriptors. With tear filled eyes, I wrote them down. And I drew out,…

At first, it was freeing. It was encouraging and empowering… and yet, within a few hours, the doubt and unbelief that God will speak in this way crushed any peace and joy. Instead, it sent me into a deeper, darker thoughts of self-loathing.

I wrote in journal, 9 days later,

Who do you think you are?

The good news is that God knows… and knows exactly what it will take to wake me up from my slumber.

How did he do it?

He prepared me and placed me in the perfect place to discover it.

This website has been reset from the old artisanwarrior website to now chronicle what I have been experiencing and learning since “the accident”. My desire is to simply tell my story and share my learnings in hopes that God will use it to wake up others from their slumber.

“Slumber” – Need to Breathe
Days; they force you back under those covers,
lazy mornings; they multiply,
glory’s waiting outside your windows.
Wake on up from your slumber, baby open up your eyes.

Tongues are violent, personal and focused,
tough to be with your steady mind,
hearts are stronger after broken.
Wake on up from your slumber, baby open up your eyes.

All these victims stand in line for,
crumbs that fall from the table just enough to get by,
all the while your invitation.
Wake on up from your slumber, baby open up your eyes.
Wake on up from your slumber, baby open up your eyes.

Take from vandals all you want now,
please don’t trade it in for life,
replaced your feeble with the fable.
Wake on up from your slumber, baby open up your eyes.
Wake on up from your slumber, baby open up your eyes.

All these victims stand in line for,
crumbs that fall from the table just enough to get by,
all the while your invitation.
Wake on up from your slumber, baby open up your eyes.
Wake on up from your slumber, baby open up your eyes.

Sing like we used to,
dance when you want to,
taste for the breakthrough open wide.

All these victims stand in line for,
crumbs that fall from the table just enough to get by,
all the while your invitation.
Wake on up from your slumber, baby open up your eyes.
Wake on up from your slumber, baby open up your eyes.
Wake on up from your slumber, baby open up your eyes.

Come on, sing like we used to,
and dance like you want to.
Come on darlin’ open your eyes.
I wanna sing like we used to.
I wanna dance like we want to.
Come on darlin’ open up your eyes.

However, as I am taking steps to go after what God is placing before me to “Gather the Artisans and Pray”, I am reminded that I cannot do anything unless I become an Artisan myself. Without my own core, my essence being the Artisan, I lose connection to other Artisans. The fluency of the language gets lost.

And so I am in search of my unique voice. What is that voice God is granting me to express His beauty? What is the essence of my expression? I can’t wait to discover it.

“Arise, O Artisans. It’s time to wake up from your slumber. Breathe in Life! Rise Up! And know I am Lord.”

There is a part of me that believes that it was meant only for me. He was talking to me about me. And yet, deep in my soul, I know it wasn’t so self-focused.

It was a declaration of what is to come. It’s beyond me and greater than me. And that’s the way it should be.

Then what do you do with this? Are there action steps, buiness plan or strategy? In the past with my own ideas, I would jumped into it head first. Rapid prototyping and iteration was the strategy. Isn’t that what Mr. Seth Godin encourages?

And yet, this time around it’s different. Mainly because it isn’t my idea to begin with. And if it is truly God’s voice I heard, then He probably already has a plan.

So the only action step I can think of is to

“Gather the Artisans and Pray.”

So that is exactly what I’ll do.

**The “Dailies” is a day to day glimpse into Artisan Warrior journey inspired by the reflections from personal journal entries. They are delayed postings.**

After a long morning of work, I decided to go sit in Studio 23 (Newsong’s creative space) and soak in the atmosphere of song writing. And as they were playing, I began to hear something. At first, I thought it was one of them but when I looked towards them, they were engrossed in their music.

And as the music played, the words became clearer and more articulated. Then all at once, I pulled out my journal and wrote down what I heard.

“Arise, O artisan. It’s time to wake up from your slumber. Breathe in Life! Rise Up! And know that I am Lord.”

Did I hear the voice of God?

I would say yes. But I know some skeptics and even my own cynic will say that it was my brain putting together all the scriptures, journal entries and wishful thinking that created that moment. They may be right.

However, I still chose to trust it. I guess it’s just faith. Faith in knowing God may have been speaking all this time and in that moment it came together. I choose to walk down a path rather than sit there passively at the fork, wondering “what if?”.

**The “Dailies” is a day to day glimpse into Artisan Warrior journey inspired by the reflections from personal journal entries. They are delayed postings.**

“Make decisions based on faith not on fear.”

Too many of my decisions have been based on fear; The fear of what I might lose, fear of what others will think of me, the fear of what I might not be able to get, the fear I will not succeed. And I must say, I am sick and tired of it.

I choose to make decisions based on faith; The faith in the promises God gave, the faith in knowing He knows a lot more than I do, the faith in knowing nothing will separate me from His Love, the faith in God loving my family more than I could ever love them and the faith knowing that He knows more about my capacity and capability than I do.

I choose to believe.

**The “Dailies” is a day to day glimpse into the Artisan Warrior journey inspired by the reflections from personal journal entries. They are delayed postings.**

“Fully Awake. Watch This.”

Last few years, my life has been about discovering my significance, my destiny. These past few days, I have been finding more clarity in what that might be and more importantly, I am being reminded of who the Author of it all is… God.

And as my eyes are opened to the world around me, I see those who are living it out. Those who got tired of talking about what it could be and started to do something and in that, found more clarity on their destiny. Those who chose obedience over passion and found their passion renewed and fueled in obedience. Those who are fearless. Those who use their pain as their strength. Those who find beauty in the darkness. Those who can find peace in the midst of chaos, uncertainty, ambiguity and discomfort. Those who are willing to pay a cost. Those who made it a lifestyle to be vessels of Hope and Love. Those who are full of joy. Those who are Xealots.

I choose to be one.

**The “Dailies” is a day to day glimpse into the Artisan Warrior journey inspired by the reflections from personal journal entries. They are delayed postings.**

As I continue to reflect on the accident, I feel the reason why I was prepared to respond was because of the three people God has placed in my life. Three people that has help lead me to find my voice.

Each of them unique in the work they do but alike in the way they do it. They have lead by example and have led with Love. Love for God and more specifically, their Love for people. The misfits. The fringe. Me.

Dave Gibbons, Charles Lee and Tony Kim are the three sages, leaders, mentors, pastors, influencers and friends.

Dave Gibbons continues to believe in me, even though in the “church” world, I am underqualified. I don’t have a college degree or a seminary background. I have a past. I am a misfit. And yet, he has entrusted me with the important role of stewarding the worship experience.

On the other hand, I firmly believe I received more training in the five years with him than I could have in any school or seminary. It’s the Xealot way.

Charles Lee is not only an inspiration but a great friend. There are only a few people in this world I would do anything for, and he is one of them. He continues to push people to not only dream up ideas but to bring them to life. He is the main reason why I continue to bring my ideas to life. He continues to lead by example what it means to Love People.

Tony Kim is my mad hatter. He is simply crazy. Crazy in a good way. He was the one who thought it was a good idea to hire me at Newsong. He lives his life as an Artisan. He continues to stretch himself and in that, inspires others. Now he is leading me by his family’s mission of advocating for adoption and fostering of children.

Thank you God for these three men who have walked with me in this journey. Thank you for the others that you will bring. Thank you for placing Dave in the right moment to encourages me to “Go until God says no.”

How can I feel not ready when I already have all that I need?

“Go until God says no.” – Dave Gibbons

**The “Dailies” is a day to day glimpse into the Artisan Warrior journey inspired by the reflections from personal journal entries. They are delayed postings.**

“Relax”

For the majority of my adult life, I’ve worked multiple jobs. I would be lucky if I even took a day off. My wife would often tell me that I don’t understand how to relax. In each empty moment, my mind would be racing to figure out how to fill it.

And especially now, I feel God is teaching me to “Relax”. If I truly believe God is leading me in this journey, I need to fully trust him by learning to relax when nothing is happening.

In looking back at my past ventures, I seem to have the tendency to jump ahead of Him. Try to add more to the simple recipe God has written out and is revealing. It’s kind of like, I’m adding unnecessary additives and artifical coloring to the end product.

So today, my hope is that I can keep this journey as pure as possible by learning not to force anything and simply enjoy the gift of relaxation.

**The “Dailies” is a day to day glimpse into Artisan Warrior journey inspired by the reflections from personal journal entries. They are delayed postings.**

“Be fearless today!”

God’s love surrounds me. It’s crazy when you experience his “perfect love”, how fearless you become. The more I think about the accident and the depth of insight I am drawing from it, the more loved I feel.

What changed?

I moved from Worry to Peace.

I used to worry about what I will lose, what will be taken away, what expectations will not be met. Now, I feel a peace beyond understanding. I have the peace that arises as fear subsides. His perfect Love is casting out the fear.

As I child, I jumped off rooftops. As a teenage wannabe B-boy, I did headspins and the crazy flips. As an young adult, I jumped out of airplanes and off of bridges. Some would say, I lived a reckless life. I used to see it as something I needed to change as I grew older and more mature.

Now I see it as a blessing. I see it as one of my strengths. I see it as God’s masterful design.

Today, I jump out fearlessly without a man-made safety net. Who needs a net when God gives you wings?

**The “Dailies” is a day to day glimpse into Artisan Warrior journey inspired by the reflections from personal journal entries. They are delayed postings.**